Gone, Gone, Gone… Like The Supporting Cast

True Blood, season 5 Episode something recap, so watch beware there are spoilers ahead!

With the end of the season closing in, it’s time to clean house and write some characters out of the script. Sookie gets a visit from Mike the coroner, who drops by for a late night snack as he reveals that he’s become a vampire and digs into some fairy blood. Using the chopsticks from her Chinese take-out, Sookie goes Hong-Kong Phooey on vampire Mike. I’m not going to miss Mike, he was a super creeper. Another character who we may not see again is Hoyt, as he plans to get a job with some buddies that went to Alaska. Good riddance I say, there’s no point to having him around anymore other than to be a pussy. Though I must say that Jessica is a great actress and can convey emotion better than Kristen Stewart ever could.

Eric is forced to do more ancient vampire blood, and in a shared hallucination, Godric appears but his subtitles do not. While this is going on, Bill is watching on a monitor with a magic camera that can zoom in and out and get any impossible angle to watch Eric cry while his daddy hallucination is killed by Lilith. Speaking of Lilith, that woman is only kept on screen because True Blood needed more tits since Anna Paquin stopped being topless.

Jason, while he’s not crying in this episode, actually seems somewhat intelligent while he helps Sookie investigate under her bed. I was pretty impressed by the knife flip he did, it was pretty damn boss. They find an old scroll covered in squiggles and despite their knowledge of fairies, they take it to a professor first. C’mon guys, you have contacts in a fairy nightclub, why wouldn’t you go there first? Those Stackhouses can be really thickheaded sometimes.

Steve Newlin got some attention this episode, from dancing with Russell to Katy Perry, to being tracked down by Luna and Sam, who for some reason has a dedicated internet news button on his computer keyboard. The fact that they shifted into a couple of mice to find a little girl is very Rescuers of them. Steve unknowingly takes them back to the Authority lair, where Emma has turned back into a girl and Steve gets piping made. I like how he still treats her like a puppy, clapping his hands and saying, “No!” Bad Emma! Jessica also winds up at the Authority after doing some product placement for Apple.

Tara and Pam become worried about the bar and their new sheriff, told they have to start making vampires to meet a quota. Tara teaches Pam a lesson in being badass by luring Sheriff Eli to the storage room saying that she drained Connie and that she don’t know nothing about birthin’ no baby vampires! They cut off Eli’s head and make their stand. I really like Pam and Tara as a dynamic duo that give no fucks.

The real question I want to know about this episode is… where the hell was Alcide?

Body count: 3

Mike the coroner gets chopstick’d into a pile of goo.

Eli gets his head cut off, a way to kill vampires that few know about.

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