In The Beginning… Vampires Had Mommy Issues

Spoilers ahead. Season 5, Episode 7 of True Blood.

The coup we all saw coming, Russell is back with a vengeance and our favorite vampyric Hardy Boys struggle to get to the bottom of who let Russell out of his cage. Fortunately for them they didn’t have to think too hard as Salome spilled the beans. Bill and Eric play possum for a while and just go with the flow, knowing they couldn’t escape Russell if they tried. Going with the flow takes a turn for the awesome when they join the Authority in a night on the town, getting higher than bats on ancient vampire blood–which goes to show that even vampires can trip balls given the right blood.

Alcide was eye candy for the whole episode, but oh, to be a hand on that chest. He didn’t really do anything of great significance this week. The same thing goes for Terry and Jason, who spend most of the time in a field waiting for death, only to be trolled by the smoke monster Ifrit. I lol’d. Holly did this episode justice by telling Arlene that there’s crazy shit in their world, and that a smoke monster is still probably not the most bizarre thing they’ve heard of. Seriously, open your eyes Arlene. Meanwhile, LaFayette gets his mouth sewn shut, but only on account of the writers focusing on lines for everyone else in the show.

Tara gets disowned by her mother, but that’s okay because Momma Pam cheers her up, kinda. We get to see some new fancy fairy tips and tricks, and learn that Sookie may be able to become a regular person if she uses up her fairy powers. But unlike those Duracell batteries that you can test the charge, we don’t know how long her powers are going to last. And we also get to see how a shifter picks up a scent, and just how detailed their senses are. I just about died watching Sam roll on the floor and sniff like a dog rolling in a stench. But I guess that’s how shifters roll. (Ba-dum-cha!)

The body count for this episode is a bit for than I can accurately count, as Bill, Eric and the rest of the Authority have a feeding frenzy on a bridal party. So I’ll say 10+, which is the same that I rate this episode because watching vampires hallucinate is a rare treat!

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