Let’s Boot and Rally… Unless You’re a Zombie Head

True Blood. Episode 5 Recap (AKA spoilers ahead).

I knew, I knew, I knew that they wouldn’t leaving me hanging, and I’m so glad that they threw the curveball that they did. For those of you that have no clue what I’m talking about, examine Exhibit A.

Exhibit A

I’ve been harping on about Jesus’ missing body since it vanished, and hoped it wasn’t because they wrote him out of the show, when in fact they bring him back… to a degree. Sure, his only lines for the episode were “HHHMMM HMMM HMMM!” But this is the subplot I’m most interested in because it seems that LaFayette’s mother (I forget her name) has come into possession of Jesus’ zombie head. Looking forward to the slew of ‘Second coming of Jesus’ jokes.

I really don’t mind more nude scenes with Jason and Alcide, and though I know that pairing won’t happen, I keep my fingers crossed. Tara and Jessica actually start getting along for a little while. Their talk in the bar was so obviously ‘it gets better,’ but that’s not such a bad thing. But of course, being girls, they are obligated to have a cat fight. I was hoping I would see some weave pulling in vampire speed, but maybe next time.

Voldemort?

The cats and dogs fighting is hilarious, and Sookie’s sudden realization that her life is a ridiculous show made this episode. Whether she was still pretty drunk or brazenly hungover, gung-ho Sookie is my favorite Sookie. She knows her horror movie logic, her microwave fingers are warmed up, and she’s really got to pee–don’t get in her way. And the fact that they took a page out of Harry Potter with the whole ‘shriveled dark lord’ thing was kind of awesome. Vampires are like raisins, if they don’t stay hydrated then they just kinda dry up and get really small.

Meanwhile at the Vampire Authority, Nora still doesn’t get the fact that hiding under the bed will save her from the UV light torture. And it turns out that there are humans working in the underground vampire lair, as you can see them trying to scrub Chancellor Drew’s blood and guts out of the carpet–and you can tell they’re human because they’re not doing it at vampire speed.

Our rag-tag Team America have a real hard time saying ‘Ifrit’, and the fact that Patrick doesn’t believe in magic, ghosts, or fire demons while there are such things as vampires in the world is rather dumb. But I guess it just means that Patrick is just that ignorant.

While I don’t really care about Suzanne and Emory, I freaked when Sam and Luna were gunned down. I was yelling at the screen for Emma to run. So while we can assume that Luna is dead, there’s no way that Sam can die–at least that’s what I’m hoping.

But maybe they can make Luna into a disembodied zombie head too. But then this shit would be so much like Lollipop Chainsaw. Speaking of which, let’s get to the tally!

Body count: 1 (Maybe)

Luna getting gunned down and closing her eyes while exhaling in that ‘oh shit I’m dead’ sort of way.

Now that we know it’s possible, who would you like to see come back as a zombie head?

All pics via the True Blood Wiki

If you haven’t yet, read Episode 4’s recap.

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