Whatever I Am, You Made Me… Have Hooker Flashbacks

I was a very happy dork when True Blood opened on Tara experiencing her new vampire abilities, and the way the sky opened up was simply fantastic. Mad props, guys, mad props. Then when Tara was about to attack that girl, you could still hear the change in heartbeats, a detail which I missed the first time. I was kinda pissed that Tara decided she desperately needs a tan and hops in a booth at the “Curl Up and Fry” salon.

Keeping my fingers crossed for more shirtless scenes

So now the Hardy Boys–Bill and Eric–are tasked with bringing in Russell Edgington, but not without putting on some bondage gear first. They get iStakes strapped to their chest by geeky Vampire Molly (who you may recognize from Big Love and Veronica Mars) which has to be one of the most high tech gadgets we’ve seen so far in the series, seeing as she can control their iStakes with an app on her iPhone. In fact, this episode probably has the most up to date we’ve seen yet, as we also get to see Pam texting at the speed of light while a familiar song plays in Fangtasia. Our dynamic duo also gets sexually interrogated by Salome (Authority vampire chick), but I’m not sure what an awkward sex scene and doing a contractual nude scene proves as far as being a Sanguinista is concerned.

“The New Nan Flannigan” is a title that suits Reverend Steve Newlin quite well. Oh, and I totally called that there was much more going on with Newlin than they were letting on. Hopefully this means that he’ll get to stay in the series for as long as the original Nan. Perhaps Newlin is supposed to be the poster-boy for the vampire “it gets better… after death” campaign. And as far as imagery goes, while Roman tells Newlin about his new job title, the lamp above Newlin in a couple shots looks like a halo. Hmm.

Meanwhile in subplot-land, Jason learns that he uses sex to fill a void that was created when he was sexually abused as a young man… but only after hooking up again with the female teacher that did it to him. Terry bails on Arlene to run off with Patrick to find a crazed veteran. There might be a new fairy in town, as Jessica chases a stranger but loses him in a field. So while we can’t know for certain, it sure looks like Sookie might have some competition. Lafayette’s demon takes over during dinner time at Merlotte’s, but only long enough to pour bleach in a batch of gumbo. Jesus’s body is still missing, hoping that plot point doesn’t get swept under the rug.

Getting ideas for halloween already

This season needs is a celebrity cameo. For instance, I think that Lana Del Rey should show up as a vampire. Who do you think would be a good fit for True Blood? And what role/species should they be?

Pictures via True Blood wiki

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